Saturday, August 16, 2008

I think spring is on the way

Roses should be standing here
Brown eyes shouldn't cry
Hearts be made unbreakable
Blue eyes shouldn't lie

The sun is dyin' to see you
The clouds are begging to part
Spring is waiting on you
Is it still Winter in your heart?

Bottles should be deeper
The hourglass should lie
Candles let burn longer still
Bullets shouldn't fly

Is it still Winter in your heart?
Do you refuse another season's start?
The birds have all flown from my trees
They've gone away with all my yesterdays and used-to-bes
Is it still Winter in your heart?
Let flood the light
Let the curtains part

Roses should be standing here
Blue eyes shouldn't cry
Hearts be made unbreakable
Brown eyes shouldn't lie

The sun is dyin' to see you
The clouds are begging to part
Spring is waiting on you
Is it still Winter in your heart?

Monday, August 11, 2008

8 Seconds Left in Overtime.....

So im making some progress in my 'issue' that's been bugging me. It helps too when life is good to you and gives you some excitement to help you forget the down times. Looks like I may be getting a new job soon (fingers crossed) and its really exciting for me! More to come on that when things finally start to happen, dont want to jinx it. I've had a pretty good week and used some tools from the book to make some bleak days be better, but yesterday was another bad day for me.

i've done some journaling exercises recommended to me in a book im reading and its kind of a hokey thing but the results are suprising. The author gives you some sentence stems and you have to complete it with 4-5 endings. Its kind of a grown up version of that game you might have played when you were a kid, you know where you'd get asked something like "When I grow up I want to be..." and you had to write down 5 things and then share it with the class. These are more personal questions and much harder to answer sometimes. The author suggests that if you get stuck to invent an answer even if its not true, but I find sometimes even that is hard to do.

So the one thing about self-help books and me is this: sometimes i need the ton of bricks dumped on my head before i get it. Not all the time or with any subject, but when you're trying to dive into your innards and surface with something meaningful - what do you do when you're stuck and repeated dives dont give you any answers? That's kind of where I am. I KNOW what is bugging me, I KNOW there have been others with the same problem, and i KNOW there has to be a way to fix it....the solution is just evading me at the mo. I guess Im too impatient. : )

I've been listening to The Fray a lot lately. Their song Over My Head is kind of becoming my theme song these days. I feel really overwhelmed with a lot of stuff, work, life, sadness....im hoping that it wont be long i can listen to that song and think "i used to think this song was me". But for now, I do feel like Im in over my head.

Other topics - Im totally loving working out and working with the personal trainer. I lost 7 pounds the first 2 weeks, but the last 2 weeks I actually gained 3 lbs. we crunched the numbers and did the measurements and its ok - i lost some fat and gained some muscle. So even though i went up in weight by 3 lbs, my body fat percentage is less. Again, Im just being impatient! I want all this flab off my gut (yeah, its there trust me).

My sister comes to visit in September, im really looking forward to seeing her again after about a year and a half!

And isn't it almost College Football season? I can't wait, bring it!

Friday, August 01, 2008

In the mood?

Ive been a little moody lately. I know what it is, and im trying to change it. Its something that's been bugging me for a long time, but its one of those things that after you are aware of it and continually adapt to it you kinda dont notice you're feeling moody, and what the cause is.

Its just like when you have a mess in your house, you know, like that stack of mail on the table. You walk past it and notice it and think "I need to do something about that" but you dont do it right then. You see it again later and think the same thing. After a few times you stop noticing the stack and that its growing - it just becomes part of your table....or in this case part of your life. Over time it just becomes 'normal' and you dont notice the 'discomfort' it causes you....

I saw a movie recently that kind of took this stuff out off my inner shelf and dumped it on the floor and said to me "You just *think* you put this away and folded it right, but its not right so you have to do it again". *sigh*

Im reading books and trying to journal about it. Today is particularly tough. Can't wait for this to be finally dealt with.